Power of Paradox - Equity Mindset
Have you ever felt resentful that others haven’t supported you the way you have helped them? If you have experienced this before, it might be because of an imbalance between your ability to be assertive and helpful. Dr. Dan Harrison, founder of Harrison Assessments, refers to this paradox between being assertive and helpful as having an equity mindset.
An imbalance in the equity mindset paradox can be especially apparent during the holidays! When someone is triggered or stressed, this is when flip behaviors can occur. Perhaps you’ve seen a relative who is typically very easy-going and helpful suddenly becomes terse and frustrated instead. Or maybe that was you.
Harrison Assessments Equity Mindset Paradox
Let’s explore how to manage this equity mindset paradox so you can better maintain not only your professional relationships but perhaps also your personal ones as well!
This is the last of the twelve paradoxical pairs we have unpacked. If you want to learn more about the other Harrison Assessments paradoxes, check out Claritas’ earlier blogs.
What is the Equity Mindset Paradox?
Harrison Assessments defines an equity mindset as the tendency to assert one’s needs and respond to others’ needs. This paradox of being assertive AND helpful is especially important when it comes to maintaining interpersonal relationships.
Equity Mindset Paradox Guidance:
Enduring and positive relationships are a result of meeting mutual needs.
Assertive is the tendency to put forth personal wants and needs. When someone is assertive without being helpful, they can come across as dominating and pushy.
Helpful is defined as the tendency to respond to other’s needs and assist or support others to achieve their goals. When someone is helpful without being able to ask for help for themselves, he/she can become self-sacrificing, and this can lead to resentment or burnout.
When you are able to ask for help and also help others, this leads to mutual help and mastery of this paradox.
What Happens When the Equity Mindset Paradox is Out of Balance?
When someone is helpful without being able to sufficiently assert his/her own wants and needs, he/she will reach a point when they are so stressed or triggered that he/she will show up as very dominant instead. This is a temporary emotional reaction that is called a flip behavior, as indicated by the red hurricane symbol on the top left corner of the graph. The blue half-circle is what that person’s typical behavior would be.
Harrison Assessments Equity Mindset Paradox
When someone is highly assertive with a low preference for being helpful, his/her flip behavior manifests slightly differently. If he/she is triggered or under stress, he/she will first become MORE assertive, and then reach a point where he/she “flips” to being very helpful instead almost as a way to over-compensate for the prior behavior.
Can you think of a time when you saw a co-worker or someone else you know behave this way? These flip behaviors can easily cause conflict.
The other reason they cause conflict is that until that person recognizes the paradoxical pair, he/she will often view the paradoxical trait in a negative light. For example, Ann, who values and has a strong preference for being helpful, might view David, who is not shy at asking for what he wants, as very selfish. Whereas David might view Ann as a pushover.
How Can You Develop an Equity Mindset?
The first step to developing this paradox is to be able to see the value in the opposing paradoxical trait. Ann needs to work on asking for help whereas David needs to work on identifying areas where he can be more helpful to others.
If you struggle with maintaining long term relationships, whether it be professional or personal, work on strengthening the paradoxical trait that is low for you. First work on yourself before you try to get others to change!
What makes it harder for people to be assertive is sometimes related to the communication paradox of being able to be both frank or direct AND diplomatic. People that have a low preference of being direct in their communication tend to struggle with making a request. For example, if Ann is indirect in her communication style and David is direct in his communication style, then when Ann does make a request, it may sound like a suggestion to David instead of her asking him to do something. David may choose to ignore her “suggestion” and Ann might become frustrated at David for not helping her.
This earlier blog explains more about this communication paradox of respectful candor and how to develop it.
Another great resource to develop your Equity Mindset paradox is the Non-Violent Communication method which when practiced can help diffuse overly dominating conversations. Marshall Rosenberg, Ph.D., founder of the Center for Nonviolent Communication, developed a very practical 4-step method that includes asking for your unmet needs.
For coaching around developing the Equity Mindset or Respectful Candor paradoxes, book a free discovery call with Claritas Consulting & Coaching to explore what this would look like for yourself and/or your team. And if you found this useful, please share this article or subscribe to our mailing list.