The Double Paradox of EQ: Why Emotional Intelligence Challenges Leaders & the Path to Mastery
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It’s become a well-known fact that emotional intelligence (EQ) is the most important factor for predicting success both in life and in leadership. We owe much of this progress to Dr. Daniel Goleman, whose research in the 1990s provided the foundational knowledge around EQ, and Dr. Travis Bradberry, who helped to popularize the concept.
But people everywhere still struggle with EQ. Just the other day, I attended a talk by Dr. Tim Elmore, an expert in emerging leaders and CEO of Growing Leaders. He explained that one of the challenges in leading Gen Z is that they have been slower to mature socially and emotionally, partly due to their high dependence on technology. They grew up finding answers on their smartphones.
If EQ is twice as important as IQ or technical skills, then we need to find better ways of developing emotional intelligence. Whenever there is a problem, the best way to find a solution to that problem is first to get to the root cause of the issue. So, let’s dive in.
What makes EQ challenging?
To answer the question of what makes emotional intelligence challenging for many of us, I first need to introduce you to the concept of paradox.
Paradoxical Thinking
Paradox are two ideas that seem contradictory but are in fact true or complimentary. When we say, “less is more,” that is a paradox. The late President Jimmy Carter was a white, Christian male from the deep South that was a proponent of civil rights and believed in global warming; he was full of paradoxes. The concept of paradox stems from the ancient Chinese concepts of yin and yang. Dr. Dan Harrison introduced Paradox Theory over 30 years ago to explain how to avoid overusing a strength to where it becomes a weakness. But paradoxical skills are still a relatively novel concept in management circles. In the United States, Prof. Wendy Smith and Prof. Marianne Lewis have pioneered this effort to go from either/or to both/and thinking.
Our minds like to take shortcuts; most of the time this serves us well because we need to conserve energy. Sometimes however, we need to pause because some things are just not that simple. Paradoxes are like that. For example, instead of thinking, being organized is good and being flexible is bad, we need to recognize that these two traits are a paradoxical pair. When we can pause to do that, we might see how being both organized and flexible can help us be more successful. When we don’t recognize this, it can cause conflict instead.
The root cause of why emotional intelligence is challenging is because it is a double paradox!!
Dr. Daniel Goleman used four quadrants to describe emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness, and social skills/relationship management.
There are two pairs of paradoxes present in these four quadrants:
1. Self vs. Others
· Self (Self Awareness & Self-regulation) – being aware of how we are feeling, what might be triggering us, and not acting impulsively based on how we feel.
· Others (Social Awareness & Social Skills) – being aware of what may be causing other people to be acting a certain way and adjusting our behavior appropriately.
2. Observation vs. Action
· Observation (Self-awareness & social awareness) – observing what is going on with our emotions as well as the emotions of others around us.
· Action (Self-regulation & social skills) – editing our behavior despite our emotions and adapting it to how others are behaving.
In a social interaction, not only are we having to do all four of these almost simultaneously, but we also having to balance two sets of opposing forces because of the inherent double paradox in EQ. No wonder emotional intelligence is challenging!
What Can We Do to More Effectively Develop Emotional Intelligence?
There are several things you can do to address this paradoxical challenge of developing EQ.
1. Practice identifying paradoxes in everyday situations at work and at home. This helps you become more accustomed to managing the inherent tensions they create. Unmanaged paradoxes can create conflict. Dr. Daniel Siegel coined the term “name it to tame it.” Dr. David Rock in his book, Your Brain At Work, says this technique can reduce stress and anxiety by 50%!
· Have Claritas Consulting & Coaching take you and/or your team through Harrison Assessments’ Paradox Report to improve teamwork and collaboration by gaining insight into 12 pairs of paradoxical traits.
· Learn more about different paradoxical traits through our earlier blogs, for example Respectful Candor or Coaching Mindset.
2. Leverage the Progressive EQ™ model to break down EQ development into actionable steps.
· Start with increasing self-awareness. Remember that the most effective way to address an issue is by starting with the root cause. Lack of social skills is a symptom of low emotional intelligence. Low self-awareness is a root cause of low emotional intelligence.
· Read this blog for more information on Claritas’ Progressive EQ™ model.
3. Go through Claritas’ Progressive EQ™ Bootcamp for a comprehensive, 4-month emotional intelligence intensive. Here’s a link you can use to learn more about the Progressive EQ™ Bootcamp. Ask about the satisfaction guarantee that we provide with this course!
Book a complimentary call with Claritas Consulting & Coaching to discuss your needs or follow us on LinkedIn for more useful leadership resources and frameworks.
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For further reading:
The Eight Paradoxes of Great Leadership: Embracing the Conflicting Demands of Today’s Workplace by Tim Elmore
Both/And Thinking: Embracing Creative Tensions to Solve Your Toughest Problems by Wendy K. Smith and Marianne W. Lewis